Doodle the Fated

So it turns out Doodle is everything I hoped he wouldn't be. He's a boy and a Broad Breast. And if he could talk, he'd sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger from the Terminator.

He certainly has packed on the pounds too. I tried putting him on a diet, but it turns out he has low blood sugar 'cause that really makes him grumpy. A grumpy Doodle is a Doodle that marches around going "Pherph pherph pherph" and whacks people over the head with his super strong wings. It's not good for the goose or the gander. Or the hen or the tom. Or me.

So appease his appetite and let him get super fat, or put him on a diet so that he lives longer but he's mad all the time. If he was a hooman I'd probably tell him to suck it up and diet. Hoomans can do things like get an education, create stuff, and change the world. Turkeys don't change the world. So I'm going to let him have his short life if it'll be a merry one. No turkey lives forever.

"I'll be back."